The Tuesday Ear Tickler award is Solemn Charge’s weekly recognition of teachers who “Tickle the Ears” of those who “no longer endure sound doctrine”. In the spirit of 2 Timothy 4 2-4, this award serves to identify theological or doctrinal errors, dissent or hostility toward the Magisterium of the Catholic Church, or writing that undermines the purpose of each human soul – to know love and serve God so as to enjoy eternal happiness with Him in Heaven. I make no judgment of the writer’s intentions. Usually the winner of this award was raised in the 60’s so that right there is a mitigating factor toward their culpability for their actions. I do judge concrete actions and the quality of ideas, however…

Today’s winner is Jason Berry, writing at the noxious liberal commune known as the National Catholic Reporter. Berry goes all mushy for the ordination of women and promotes dissent from the magisterium in his latest piece. (Berry’s comments in the red quote boxes, my comments in black.)

Diane Dougherty, 67, who has short silver hair and stands barely 5 feet tall, became a fleeting media sensation Oct. 20 with her ordination in the Association of Roman Catholic Women Priests.

Don’t they all have short silver hair? What’s the point of describing her physical attributes? Does silver hair indicate wisdom? Sorry, I didn’t see her on the news or in the media at all. Must have been more fleeting than sensational. Also, let’s be accurate here – she was not ordained. An ordination was simulated, thereby excommunicating her and anyone else simulating her ordination. I must also ask the question, “If these women have so much venom for the Church and Rome, why do they associate with Rome in the name of their club?” Anyway, on to more madness…

The forces that drove Dougherty to profess priestly vows are a parable of today's church, as divided in America as in Europe, where 144 theologians in Germany, Austria and Switzerland signed a 2011 declaration defying Pope Benedict XVI in support of women's ordination. Dougherty, who spent 23 years as a nun earlier in her life, followed a pull of conscience to "the same basic calling" in violation of church law.

I guess the criteria for being counted as a “theologian” is rather flimsy these days. If this was such a noble honor, how did they only manage 144 signatures? I would also like to know the number of signatures after Big Bird, Luke Skywalker, Roger Rabbit, and Abraham Stinkin are removed from the list. Here is a prime example of why it is important to emphasize that following your conscience is only laudable if that conscience is well-formed.

Five other women, well along the road of middle life, were ordained as deacons in the same Mass held at First Metropolitan Community Church, which historically serves gays and lesbians. Bridget Mary Meehan, a bishop affiliated with the Association of Roman Catholic Women Priests, came from her home in Virginia to preside. About 300 people attended, among them relatives of the newly ordained, a few scampering grandchildren; groups from Florida, Georgia, Ohio, Kentucky and Louisiana; 15 other women priests in the movement; and two women in black robes of the Episcopal clergy.

Let me translate that phrase “Well along the road of middle life” for you. It means old. Yes, old women. Bridget Mary Meehan might call herself a bishop, and the 15 other wymynprysts may call themselves priests, but the sad fact is that they are simply excommunicated women, reaching the twilight of their lives still dancing and singing that Frank Sinatra tune, “I did it my way”. I think most of us would agree that a better theme would be “I did it God’s way”.

The ceremony was the latest held by the association. Since 2004 when a male bishop, who has remained anonymous, ordained seven women on a ship in the middle of the Danube River, about 100 women have joined the movement in America and about 150 worldwide. Unlike the male hierarchy, the association is decentralized. The women hold liturgies in homes, on college campuses and in non-Catholic sacred spaces; they have small teaching and outreach ministries.

I think we understand that by “decentralized”, Berry means “forbidden from befouling a Catholic church”. Their ministries are “small” because their message is empty. They are preaching self-gratitude rather than the glorification of God and obedience to the dogmas of His Church.

At least Berry had the sense to include a quote from the radiant Sr. Mary Ann Walsh…

The official church has not accepted them. "I can say I'm the queen of England and it doesn't make it so," Mercy Sr. Mary Ann Walsh, spokeswoman for the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI have banned even the discussion of women priests. Benedict has said John Paul's prohibition on women priests is infallible teaching, though some church scholars dispute it.

I think he uses the term “church scholars” a bit loosely here.

In 2007, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith declared: "One who attempts to confer sacred ordination on a woman, and she who attempts to receive sacred ordination, incurs a latae sententiae excommunication reserved to the Apostolic See."

"It means that excommunication takes place immediately," New Jersey canon lawyer Fr. Kenneth Lasch told NCR.

"There is a hitch, though," said canonist Dominican Fr. Tom Doyle. "Automatic excommunication basically means that it is not publicized. Only the excommunicated one knows it for sure and is obliged in conscience to observe the penalty. … Most of the women priests I have helped were concerned [about the excommunication] and then got to the point -- a healthy one, I think -- where it did not matter."

Fr. Tom Doyle calls their disregard of the state of their soul healthy. Healthy – like scaling the Statue of Liberty in a lightning storm. You may think you are making progress, but reality will set you straight soon enough. His statement does shed some light on the real issue here. These folks just don’t care about truth, authority, or apparently, their immortal soul. As with all of the winners of this award, I urge you to pray for them. Only prayer and the outpouring of grace will return them to the fold.

I hereby award the Tuesday Ear Tickler Award for Tuesday, November 13, 2012 to Jason Berry.