Tuesday Ear Tickler: Christina Pelosi is Praying for a Schism

The Tuesday Ear Tickler award is Solemn Charge’s weekly recognition of teachers who “Tickle the Ears” of those who “no longer endure sound doctrine”. In the spirit of 2 Timothy 4 2-4, this award serves to identify theological or doctrinal errors, dissent or hostility toward the Magisterium of the Catholic Church, or writing that undermines the purpose of each human soul – to know love and serve God so as to enjoy eternal happiness with Him in Heaven. I make no judgment of the writer’s intentions. Usually the winner of this award was raised in the 60’s so that right there is a mitigating factor toward their culpability for their actions. I do judge concrete actions and the quality of ideas, however…

The Tuesday Ear Tickler award for this week goes to Christina Pelosi, writing for the bastion of truth and wisdom, the Huffington Post. It will be a bit difficult to dissect this article simply because the content is all over the map, she rambles, and her blog post goes on forever, but regardless, let us get started. Her comments are in red, mine in black. Pelosi starts out by comparing herself to the distraught George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. She quotes his prayer from the movie:

"Dear Father in Heaven: If you're up there and you can hear me, show me the way. I'm at the end of my rope. Show me the way, God."

Aside from the obvious doubt about God’s existence expressed in the prayer, let us hope that she is actually sincere in the prayer, and not just using it for theater. She then swiftly moves into a diatribe against the Church for asking the nuns of the LCWR to be a little more Catholic and a little less shaman:

Apparently, dedicating their lives to caring for the sick and helping the poor wasn't enough. The Vatican accused them of promoting "radical feminist" ideas and demanded that they crank up the volume on opposing abortion and gay marriage. In short, the Vatican wanted to see less help and more hate.

Here we have straw man argument #1. Do you really think the Vatican wants to see more hate? This seems a bit over the top to me. Can anyone doubt the fact that they are drifting out of reach of Catholic identity? They promote everything except the authentic truth of the Church.

Pelosi apparently supports sending money to organizations that promote sinful activities like Oxfam. Then she goes into the tired old line about outdated and backwards policies:

The Church's backwards and outdated policies relating to women in particular and equality in general were nothing new; but its singular focus on these issues coupled with its demand that everyone else do the exact same thing was. So much for free will.

Perhaps it would surprise Pelosi to learn that free will does not entitle a person to sin. Freedom is the ability to do what you ought to do, not whatever you want to do. We live in a free country, but that doesn’t mean you can steal from someone. We are a society of laws, which ensure the protection of everyone. The same can be said for the Church. There are laws that guide us in getting to Heaven. In society, you can break the laws and suffer the consequences. The same can be said for your immortal soul. When you break a law of the Church, you are hurting someone – whether it be yourself or others, and by doing so, you damage your relationship with God. I mean this is like 2nd grade catechetics we are dealing with here. I am going to call this straw man argument #2.

Pelosi then meanders into the work that Melinda Gates is doing – you know, helping prevent AIDS by encouraging people to have sex and giving them a condom. What could go wrong there? Encouraging people to have sex whether protected or not will not prevent AIDS. Abstinence prevents AIDS. Giving people condoms causes them to be more promiscuous and the time will come when they want sex and don’t have a condom handy or the condom will break and so on. Here’s Pelosi’s take on it:

When questioned about the conflict between her foundation's work and the Church's position on contraception, Gates answered, "We're not going to agree about everything, but that's OK." How refreshingly reasonable.

Going back to the society of laws parallel – that is like saying well, I just robbed a bank, and I know the police aren’t going to agree with me about it, but that’s OK. People that are so nonchalant about sin, especially sin on a grand scale are going to have a lota ‘splainin to do at the pearly gates. On she rambles:

But the big question that remains is this: Where are we all going, anyway?

My sister used to say, "I'm a Kennedy Catholic," when people were surprised to find out that she was both a Democrat and a Catholic. The distinction between Democrats' and Republicans' respective brands of Catholicism has only gotten more pronounced in recent years, with social justice liberals filling the pews on the left side of the Church and conservative crusaders occupying the right. These days it's hard to believe we worship the same God, let alone practice the same religion.

I would agree with her that it is hard to believe we are worshipping the same God. In fact I am pretty sure that some of the nuns in the LCWR have acknowledged as much. Social justice liberals are not “filling the pews”. They are increasingly avoiding church and falling away from the faith.

For decades I prayed that the Catholic Church would evolve, but not anymore. Now I'm holding out for a schism, instead. We'll be the Social Justice Catholic Church and they can be the Conservative Catholic Church.

Now she tries to get cute about this by suggesting a schism. How nice. Yes, let us rip Christ’s Church apart rather than conform to His teachings. Lady, you can call your church anything you want, but unless you are in union with the 2000 years of Catholic Wisdom, then it will not be Catholic. Continuing on her rambling diatribe…

In the Social Justice Catholic Church, there will be no more of this nonsense over contraception. Once we've put that non-issue to rest, we'll be freed up to tackle other non-issues, too -- like marriage and gender equality.

In the Social Justice Catholic Church, everyone will be treated equally -- men, women, gay or straight. And everyone will be allowed to marry, even priests. And speaking of priests, no one will be disqualified from being one based on gender or sexual orientation. Priest shortage? What priest shortage?

I’m guessing that Pelosi hasn’t read the book of Romans yet. Particularly Romans 1:26-27, in which testimony is given against homosexuality:

“Therefore, God handed them over to degrading passions. Their females exchanged natural relations for unnatural, and the males likewise gave up natural relations with females and burned with lust for one another. Males did shameful things with males and thus received in their own persons the due penalty for their perversity.”

How dare I quote the Bible when defining sin? I’m wondering how she can rationalize that verse. This seems pretty clear-cut to me. If that doesn’t settle the question, we could look at 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Exodus 20:14, Ephesians 5:3, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, or many others. The list goes on. So does Pelosi:

So, what makes the Social Justice Catholic Church different from any other inclusive and reasonable church, like the Unitarian Church, for example? Two thousand years' worth of rituals and a treasure trove of accessories, that's what. We're keeping all of the cool incense burners, water-sprinkler thingies, holy days, saints and sacraments. Oh, and the wine. We're definitely keeping the wine.

I was thinking the same thing. She sounds like she would fit right in with the Unitarians. Does she think that ignorance is a good quality? Water Sprinkler thingies? Really? I’m guessing she means the aspergillum. Does she want to keep all the holy days? Really? Even the Feast of the Chair of Peter? She may want to keep the sacraments, but she will have a rough go of it trying to make them valid, much less licit. By wine I gather that she is talking about the Precious Blood of Christ? If she starts a schism, it is likely that wine is exactly what she will have. We will still have the Precious Blood, along with the Precious Body, confession, and last rights when or if she comes crawling back when the loose lifestyles she supports cause incalculable suffering and emotional damage, not to mention the spiritual harm. Don't forget the spiritual harm. She is still going. Let's try to follow along for a little while longer. It is almost over - I promise...

Now let's talk facilities. I've been to the Vatican, and it's huge. We can divide that thing straight down the middle and still have plenty of room for both groups. The Conservative Catholics can have Pope Benedict, but I call dibs on John Paul II's crypt. I know JP Deuce made some mistakes (papal infallibility notwithstanding), but I liked him. I guess you could say he had me at (Polish trade union) solidarity.

If she knew anything about John Paul II, she wouldn’t want him. You know that whole thing about no women priests, he called it Ordinatio Sacerdotalis. He also put out some nice work on the dignity of Human life that would probably cause Pelosi to choke on the Kool-Aid she is drinking. That one was Evangelium Vitae. Back to Pelosi...

I may not live to see the day when everyone is treated with basic human dignity and enjoys access to modern medicine here on earth. But after the schism, at least I can take comfort knowing that's what awaits me in Social Justice Catholic heaven.

Basic human dignity is what the Church is pushing for. Articles like Pelosi’s don’t help in that effort. By allowing and encouraging people to live in sin, we are destroying their dignity and robbing them of eternal happiness in Heaven. Here she brings it home for us (finally):

And with marriage equality and contraception flowing freely, I’m betting Jesus, his 12 “go-to” guys and his home girl Mary Magdalene will all be there, too. With that guest list, you know the dinner parties in Social Justice Catholic Heaven will be as fabulous as they are endless – with bottomless glasses of wine and a place at the table for everyone.

By “marriage equality” I am guessing she means Church sanctioned sodomy? I’ll take the bet about Jesus being up there. He is already booked to headline the “Second Coming Tour” when he will not come as he did the first time – in humility, but as the Just Judge. And here we have the statement that sums up her view of the world. “a place at the table for everyone”. She is right about that – there will be a place at the table for everyone. The problem is that not everyone will want to sit at the table. That is what this whole life thing is about. You either choose to love God or you choose to love sin. You can’t have it both ways.

I hereby award Christina Pelosi with the Tuesday Ear Tickler Award for Tuesday, September 11, 2012